I went to the gym really late today. It's Saturday and I had thoughts of skipping going altogether. It was snowing and I have to shovel the driveway before I even think of backing out the car. My later then normal schedule left me with a pounding headache. Sleeping in is not healthy at least for me, but when you go to bed at 1am (party).. I needed the sleep. I know my heart needs to pump hard and so off I went, out to shovel the snow and off to the gym.
I have many reasons why I need to protect my heart. It's not just about working out .. It's about being crushed.. stomped on.. and hurt beyond repair, forever sad. There is nothing worse then those you use to love hurting you so much that your heart always hurts no matter how much I run, to run away from it. I can't run far enough or fast enough. There are days I really try.. to run as fast as I can so my heart is pounding and hurting.. I pretend I'm stomping on you, just as you have done to me.. but, its always there and it never goes away. I've let you go.. per your request. I didn't want this.. you wanted it.. I have to protect me.. my heart... so understand my hurt, anger and sadness.. that it will never go away.. I've given you years where I would have forgiven..It's beyond repair.. too many years.. too much hurt, anger and pain.. This was not my fault! I am not to blame because that's exactly what you want me to think, because you want control and power.. This is why I protect my heart.. So I let you go..so just go.. just GO! I'll keep protecting my heart and keep trying to run away, run farther each day and faster to try and heal.. but I know it won't go away.. And I want nothing from you.. I just want to protect me and my heart so off I'll run..
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